Touching the Divine by Justin and Londin | Playing With Fire

An excerpt from Playing With Fire: The Spiritual Path of Intimate Relationship by Justin Patrick Pierce and Londin Angel Winters

Friday, August 7, 2020; Los Angeles, California

Justin: She’s lying on the floor. The lights are off, so I can barely make out the shape of her body. She’s sprawled out across a white rug in the middle of an empty room. The glow from the streetlight pours in through the windows.

In a room full of darkness, the light traces her curves, offering just enough to see she is beautiful. She’s wearing only panties. And her eyes are closed.

Londin: I am dissolved into infinity, my mind perfectly quiet, my body perfectly open. I have spent the last hour unwinding life’s relentless pace from my tissues through slow, sensual movement. The ambient music playing in the background guides the tempo of the moment.

The moment is slow.

I am lost in bliss, surfing the liminal space between asleep and awake, when suddenly, I feel him caressing my leg.

Justin: I’ve loved this woman for more than a decade. I know her body as well as my own. But it’s as if I’m touching her for the first time. I cannot help but feel attracted to her right now. I don’t want to help it.

Her body is completely unwound, perfectly surrendered, yet pulsing with the pleasure that she’s been simmering in for the last hour. My approach is gentle yet certain, careful yet commanding. She is mine, but I touch her like someone I can never have. And that distinct flavor of forbidden desire informs my every movement.

I stalk her like prey while worshiping her like fire.

Londin: At first, his touch startles me. Is there a problem? Is something wrong? I didn’t realize our quiet evening would involve any connection. This was my time to unwind from the day. But he is quiet and commanding. I can feel he is here to dive into me.

My heart races. I wonder whether I shaved my legs that morning.

I let that thought go.

I wonder what he might be looking for.

I let that go too.

I pay no mind to my thoughts. They serve nothing but distance between us. They are smoke screens designed to help me escape the vulnerability that I’m about to let another person open me more than I can open myself.

Opening is never easy. It’s a bliss greater than any other experience a human can taste, and yet I throw up resistances every time. So I’ve learned to pay them no mind.

I take a breath and feel my fear as excitement. I drop out of my thoughts and let Justin’s caress become my whole world.

Justin: One touch of her and my sexual appetite grows from curious to ravenous. The primal urge to take her here and now rises up within me like flames fed by gasoline.

But I’m in no rush. I let desire possess me yet refuse to give it control. I feel my body wanting to lean in, but I rest back. I feel my breath wanting to hold, but I soften my belly and breathe deeply. I feel my hands wanting to grab her, but I draw circles around her thighs instead.

I refuse to move any faster than her authentic surrender because I desire all of her, not merely her parts.

Londin: His restraint makes me wildly interested. Feeling him rest back, I want nothing more than to dive in. I find myself crawling up his body, dancing in front of him, relishing his effortless control over his sexual desire.

I feel myself grow wet and hungry.

Justin: As I breathe, my breath anchors me to the floor like an anvil. With each inhale, I draw the energy down the front surface of my body as if to pack the breath deep into my genitals.

In response to mine, her breath becomes more obvious and receptive. I can feel her drawing me in. It’s as if we’re already making love breath to breath. I exhale deep inside of her. Her inhale pulls me in deeper.

Within seconds, our bodies synchronize ever more subtly. Another layer of separation between us dissolves. She’s ready for more. I know because her hips are whispering, Come closer.

Londin: Suddenly, I’m on the ground. He’s flipped me. And he’s on top of me. His body is three times the size of mine. I smell his gritty scent. Feel his giant limbs. Savor his penetrating gaze.

Nothing about him is the same as me. This may drive me crazy in daily life, but it drives me wild in bed.

His gravity of attention commands my surrender. This is the same body that has made love to me thousands of times, but I see him as if I’ve never laid eyes on him before. I feel him on me as if it’s the first time. I know nothing but the goosebumps forming on my breasts from his feather-light touch.

As he leans into me, I feel him pressing out my sorrow—a sorrow I didn’t even realize I was feeling. His weight anchors me into calm. The feeling of, I’m no longer alone, casts out the shadows. I feel as if I’m the only thing that exists in his world.

My pussy becomes wet. I wriggle out from underneath him to mount this wild beast.

Justin: She climbs on top of me. Her yoni is so wet, I slide right in. The shape of her ass forms around my legs. Her hips widen and her back arches as she lifts her chin to vulnerably expose her neck to me; it’s as if she’s free-falling in perfect surrender.

With our breath in sync, she starts moving. She rides my body slowly, drawing me in ever deeper like a snake swallowing its prey. My hips want to move with her. I want to move faster. I want to clench. I want to split her in half with the force of my fuck. The excitement almost gets the best of me, but I resist the urge to spoil the moment with my clumsy reactivity.

I notice the tightening in my belly as pleasure swells. My breath is becoming shallow—the fast track to premature ejaculation. But I haven’t come this far to fuck it up now. Before excitement takes over and I lose all control, I ground myself deeper into the present moment. I rest into the backline of my spine, anchoring my body into the ground.

My attention feels out in every direction as I rest as consciousness.

I regain control.

My cock is hard, and my heart is open. My breath is deep, and my presence is commanding. My body is no longer in any rush.

Londin: A few minutes into the experience, my mind tries to take control.

I wonder what I owe him. I wonder what he needs from me. I wonder whether he’s tired of fucking the same woman for over a decade.

The energy in my head disconnects me from my heart and yoni.

Justin: As subtle as it is, I notice her effort. I watch her attention travel into her head. To invite her back down and into her body, I tell her, “Look at me. Slow down.”

Londin: His words pierce my mental twist. I dissolve into his direction with all my heart and without question. I close my eyes as my attention falls back into my body, and I follow the thread of pleasure down the full length of my spine. I’m grateful for the permission to let go of this headache of needing to please him.

Justin: Without missing a beat, her rhythm becomes provocatively spontaneous as she gives herself permission to completely let go. Her spine unwinds as she releases the last shred of concern I can detect.

I bask in her pleasure as the witness to all that arises and passes within her. I lose all sense of self. My cock is swollen and keeps growing harder the more she permits her desire. The deeper her attention falls inward, the harder I become. I could watch her forever.

Londin: I give myself permission to slow down and move at my own pace. My sexual energy surges like flames rising. I’m being taken. It’s happening despite myself. I feel my resistance move out of the way and let the tongues of fire lick my pussy.

I trust him to hold me. I make no effort to hold myself. All of my juices begin to pour out. The pleasure that is surging through my body comes through my sounds, pours through my hands, and moves through my pussy. All I can hear is Justin’s voice gently encouraging me: “Yes, let go. Yes, let go.”

And I obey.

I drop deeper and softer into the rippling yes of my body. With every surge of ecstatic pleasure, I soften more, feeling as though I could be blown to bits by the power of his presence. It’s bigger than me. It’s scary. Everything wants to contract and control.

But I don’t. Fuck that. I allow my surrender as I’m taken in and animated by an energy that belongs to no one.

Justin: She cums on top of me. I can feel her gushing over the head of my cock from the deepest parts of her pussy. Holding her ass and thighs, I can feel the goosebumps rise on her skin. I breathe her body deeply, grounding her hips into mine. Warmth between us, bare skin on bare skin.

I give her all the time in the world.

There is no rush.

Londin: My entire body releases into orgasm. I laugh with delight as I’m swept from head to toe into the bliss of pulsing pleasure. Tears begin pouring down my face as I remember what it is to release completely into love.

The two of us walk through a doorway that one person can’t enter alone. This is the gift of Justin’s love, his breath, his patience, and his conscious holding of this moment.

We touch the Divine together. Full dissolution. Any notion that I’m separate and alone dissolves.

I collapse onto his chest in a combination of tears and laughter, my heart bursting, my body vibrating in spits and spurts of orgasmic pleasure.

Justin: Her explosions set off orgasm after orgasm in my body, but I do not budge. I do not ejaculate. I do not lose a shred of composure. Effortlessly, I am her rock.

And I’m in ecstasy as emptiness.

Londin: Perfection pervades the space beyond words. Love is realized. Love is revealed. Heaven meets earth. No words are needed. No words are worthy.

Justin: Lying beside her, I feel I love her, but I don’t say it now because it would only cheapen the moment. Instead, I let silence become us. There’s nothing to do. Nowhere to go. Nothing to accomplish. Nothing to prove. There is only love.

Lying on her back, she reaches out and our hands clasp together tightly. Our hands say everything: I hold her as she holds me. There is no force. No rush. Not even the mere temptation of uncertainty. Just the touch of true love. Present.

We are One. There is no other. No need to prove it. No need to grasp it.

It merely is. Nothing can change it. This moment is Divine.

—excerpt from Playing With Fire: The Spiritual Path of Intimate Relationship by Justin Patrick Pierce & Londin Angel Winters