Learning to Play the Songs of a Limitless Sexual Relationship

Londin and I were once devoutly committed to the traditional sacred sexuality practices in a big way. The Masculine and Feminine were fully enmeshed within our community and our lives. Unfortunately, so were the dogmas of the masculine and feminine.

I met Londin a decade ago. And within those very first months of meeting, we began our sacred sexuality practice together. It was my practice—my responsibility and pleasure—to become her Masculine. Just as it was hers to become my Feminine. But in the beginning, the distinctions between the conventional and the spiritual weren't so obvious.

Unfortunately for my masculine, I chose a woman 14 years older than me. I was 24 at the time. She was 38. As a kid, fresh out of college, I hardly had much time to establish myself in the world and prove myself as a worthy masculine partner. Londin was earning more money than me. She had 3 careers under her belt, all of which she dominated. She was a fitness champion. She had even won an Emmy. My accomplishments had paled in comparison to this woman. And from the conventional point of view, her masculine was way bigger than mine. So for the first 3 years of our relationship, I dedicated my life to changing that. I wanted to be the masculine in the relationship, and the Masculine in the relationship. I set out to dominate her masculine. It took a while, but eventually I was able to do it, virtually across the board. But keep in mind, she was doing her best to help me along the way. It was a brilliant practice. We learned a lot about ourselves, our relationship, the masculine and feminine, and the Masculine and Feminine. And it was through this spiritual process that I began to recognize something that wasn't necessarily apparent prior to this thorough exploration. I engaged this practice by intentionally limiting, suppressing, and cutting off parts of myself—the parts that were feminine. As an artist at heart, my life was always based on some form of creative expression and radiance. Of the two of us, I had a desire to be seen more than her. I had a desire to be artistically expressive more than her. But these parts were abandoned, for the sake of cultivating my masculine identity. Because that's what I thought it meant to be a man. Londin, with her own intentions of being a great woman for me, was willing to cut herself off from those qualities which she had cultivated since childhood—the same qualities that allowed her to achieve all that she did—her masculine qualities. So we embarked whole-heartedly on this journey. I was committed to be her masculine-Masculine. As she was committed to be my feminine-Feminine. Sex was explosive during this time. As were the fights. Predictably, like most couples who dive head first into this work, we began to see the entirety of our lives through this lens of polarity. And being the disciplined people we are, we treated one another like professional athletes playing Tennis doubles together. When things were going well, it was all celebration. When things got rough, it became the blame game quickly. Either I wasn't being masculine enough, or she wasn't being feminine enough. We observed this pattern not just playing out between us, but also between all of the other men and women who had seriously aligned themselves with this work. Our practice had cultivated something invaluable within us during this time, but after a certain point, we began to see that in order for this relationship to survive, to continue to deepen, this was not the way. Years of practice began to reveal a deeper truth. A truth that allowed us to see that from the very start, we were naturally attracted to one another because we fit together like puzzle pieces. It wasn't black and white, like the masculine/feminine dichotomy suggests. It was most profoundly and deliciously complex.

Where she was masculine, I was feminine. Where I was masculine, she was feminine. And these myriad parts of self were interacting with one another simultaneously—shifting, dancing, moment to moment. My feminine mind and her masculine mind. My masculine heart and her feminine heart. My masculine spirit and her feminine spirit. My masculine mind and her masculine mind. The relationship began to reveal itself as a symphony. It wasn’t obvious at first. But this process revealed that it was never the forced or exaggerated expression of the masculine or feminine that had us fall in love or stay in love. Rather, it was this profoundly complex and subtle dance between the infinite Masculine and Feminine, which was effortlessly expressing Itself through these finite body minds, drawing us ever closer. So we ventured to explore this most natural process further. The trick was, we had just committed ourselves to years of undoing our masculine and feminine habits. So bringing them back into the picture was going to be difficult—and it was difficult. But the difference was that those masculine and feminine tendencies from before were almost entirely unconscious. And these would be reintroduced consciously. I had to learn how to wield my feminine in a way that would open her heart, instead of closing it. I was conditioned to believe that all of my feminine qualities were childish and repulsive to women. Just as she was conditioned to believe that all of her masculine qualities were defensive and repulsive to men. Was this true? Or was this horse shit? We needed to be certain. And going on blind faith was no longer sufficient. So the process began. And at first, there were a lot of dropped balls. It was messy. A lot of old stories we chose to believe at one time or another had to be rewritten. And rewrite them we did. It was as if someone had turned on the lights of our relationship. We were suddenly able to see which aspects of our own masculine and feminine identities were destructive towards one another and which were life giving. This is the essential process every man and woman must undergo if they are serious about knowing themselves as a whole human being in relationship. What was revealed to us is this: the masculine and feminine are nothing more than notes we can choose to play, moment to moment, regardless of our gender. The masculine and feminine are the combination of conventional ideas blended with gender roles, archetypes, biological identities, and the unenlightened notions of a separate self. Man or woman, like a musician sitting at a piano, we can train ourselves to play certain notes, or a scale, or a song to create a specific effect in the world.

When these notes are being played unconsciously, it sounds a lot like a child banging its fists on a piano. And an unconscious relationship is like two children, each sitting in front of their own piano, banging the keys in discord, with no regard for the impact it's having on the other. But when both partners accept the responsibility of being musicians co-creating the songs of their relationship, and start treating their body minds as the instruments they are playing, something changes. It's as if we can suddenly see ourselves as the incarnation of Love Consciousness, sitting before these notes, with the option to choose which notes we play and be responsible for the impact that it’s having on those we love. This was the art Londin and I began to study. This is what we have dedicated our lives to better understanding. And from this, the Yoga of Intimacy was born. It is the study of the relational field that transcends all conventional notions of what a man or woman should be, and prioritizes the music we are co-creating together, moment to moment. From this point of view, we can detect when the notes resonate, when they polarize, and when they cause dissonance. We abandoned the gender roles entirely. We were only interested in That which could be Known through this intimate co-creative exploration, beyond the self. We let go of the words "masculine" and "feminine," and started identifying these notes as Alpha and Omega. Which symbolize the very first note on the piano (Alpha)—that note which most closely demonstrates the embodiment of pure Consciousness—all the way to the very last note (Omega)—that note which most closely demonstrates the embodiment of pure Love's Light. It is understood that we are not the notes. We are the players. And that there is only Love Consciousness—the indivisible One. And we are choosing to live this incarnation as man and woman fully, creatively, and beyond the apparent limits of that which masculine and feminine imply.